It was November 2018, the Vigil Mass. He is Fr Joseph,SJ (his surname). He is not there now because in 2019 he was appointed Catholic Chaplain at Birmingham University. A brilliant preacher, possibly to awaken a rather wet and somnolent congregation, he pointed out that he was not a Roman Catholic, but that he belonged to the Syro-Malabar Rite. The result was a classic example of what I think is called the Magellan Effect, although it happened to several Spanish explorers. Native is searching the beach pools for juicy crabs, sees two or three galleons sailing in , assumes it is a hallucination . He hasn’t seen one before, can’t imagine it and therefore assumes it doesn’t exist. The congregation, solid Scots-Irish-Italian stock, assumed they couldn’t have heard Fr Joseph say what he said.

I forget how many Catholics I have asked how many parts there to the Catholic Church, and I have asked many. If you know, bear with me. Damn few do. It’s even worse than asking senior citizens in which film do Alan Ladd and Count John McCormack appear in the cast list (if you must know it’s ‘Citizen Kane’, and that’s true as well.

There are 24 parts. To confuse the issue, they are called Rites , owing to trivial differences in liturgy hundreds- or even nearly thousands- of years ago. The local version is called the Roman Rite of the Catholic Church. The Roman Rite contains about one billion-on paper anyway, nowadays. It is also called the Latin or Western Church. The rest-Ruthenian, Ukrainian, Maronite, etc-some measured in millions in the US and Australia- are the Eastern Church. Google the Coronation of Pope John XXIII, and you’ll see a couple of them, well ahead of the game with half beards, wearing what appear to be top hats which have had a bad day, and singing fabulously.

This is where I am asked one or two questions at least, The first usually begins ‘Surely…?’I am used to this of course, from where I used to work. 1. ‘Surely it is ONE Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church ?’ I then have to convince them that ‘one’ does not actually mean’ one’. This can end the conversation, but he distinction is between arithmetic and attitude. Believe me, the other 23 Rites have the Pope as their boss. Never keen on being confused with the Roman Rite, possibly a hundred times more so since seeing ‘Spotlight’ on Netflix, they are as Catholic as you can get , without a Donegal connection, oddly enough. Imagine one of the big tourist liners, now practically derelict, with a skeleton crew and the infection which chased away the customers. That’s the Roman Rite, the one with the nonces, the Western Church; the Eastern Church is two or three trawlers and the rest rowing boats.

2. Questions at work -not often- began ‘Is it in fact the case that…?’ Are these ancient Rites merely archaeological survivals or other euphemisms for the foosty and the irrelevant ? Well, no. The Syro-Malabar Rite, to which Fr Joseph belongs, functions very successfully in Glasgow. Founded by St Thomas- yes, that St Thomas, the Apostle, it shares the church of St James in Pollok on a Sunday evening. Goggle it to see a church jam packed, in those days so recently when we could go to church without making an appointment and being civil to pass keepers. (NB : When Googling all this, if necessary, key ‘Eastern Catholic Churches. Avoid the word ‘Orthodox’ or any site containing it like lumbago. It’s a very elastic term.)

Still, you may say, these Rites are essentially relics. Oh? Pope Francis established the Eritrean Rite as far back as 2014. Dammit, even Pope StJP2 established one in 2001. Fancy telling him it was a relic? On Yotube there is a few minutes of the Eritrean Rite, as different from the Mass we are used to as you can imagine, but still providing the Eucharist as Christ asked at the Last Supper, the ultimate blazing act of the Incarnation, to take the Church through until the end of time.

The Church was founded to provide the Eucharist ; the Roman Rite has 50,000parishioners now with no priest, and therefore no Eucharist, since4 apparently it can only be provided in the Roman Rite by a celibate priest supported by a parish (Apart from the religious orders). What a shambles.

A stroke of the Papal pen is enough to create new Rites or sections of the Church , sections without the appalling baggage of paedophily, which it is really impossible to explain to our children and grandchildren.

What about a Third Church, to follow the Western and the Eastern, to function beside the Roman Rite and its loyal priests and parishioners ? What about, say, an Atlantic Rite -with a bishop from one of the religious orders- which would include Britain and Ireland? What about new US Rites, Spanish Rites, Indonesian Rites- and above all Cantonese and Mandarin Rites?

Unless perhaps assassinated by some monsignor, this bloggist will continue to ask – why not?

And when we can all meet in public, if ever apparently, we will ask this in public.

We must move on.

It’s time for new Rites- and it’s right for the time.